Saturday, December 31, 2016
Friday, December 30, 2016
Anxiety - Social/Emotional Health
At Christie we are looking at expanding our focus on children beyond their academics to their social and emotional health. That can sometimes sound like a lot of psycho-babble. Social health? Emotional health? Why does that matter?
I thought today I'd write about one small part of emotional health... dealing with anxiety.
I've read and researched a lot about anxiety in the last couple of months for a few different reasons:
1- I struggle with handling it appropriately,
2- I recently watched a friend miss a lot of work from illnesses triggered by stress,
and
3- This topic of anxiety kept popping up-- in my newsfeed, in my work inbox, at church.
I don't believe in coincidences so I started to really tune in.
According to an article on themindunleashed.com--
Marjorie Wallace, CEO of the charity Sane, believes that generation Y (those born in the 1980s and 1990s) is the age of desperation. “Growing up has always been difficult, but this sense of desperation? That’s new,” she says.
Now I'm not quite generation Y, but I'll lump myself in there because I only missed it by a couple of months. ;) Those born in the 80s and 90s-- we are the ones who have young children now. Elementary aged or younger. The ones born in the mid 90s are graduating from college, heading into classrooms, and teaching our kids. The article would argue that we are the most stressed out generation yet. What does that mean for our kids? We'll talk about that later.
But why are we stressing out?
The article continues by stating that the rise in anxiety is exacerbated by seemingly good things like "choice" and "technology".
We have many, many decisions to make daily-- from the mundane to the important. Choice is everywhere. Do you want to go back to school? What do you want to study? Online or not? How many classes do you want to take? Which days of the week? How will you take care of your family while you're in school? Do you need a nanny? Where would you find one?
Want a new washer/dryer?-- You can research laundry room appliances until you've succumbed to information overload, shut down, and become frustrated by how such a simple task left you unable to commit or make a decision. There is an underlying anxiety attached to the possibility of making the "wrong" decision. And if we struggle to make appliance decisions, then how are we functioning at work? How much more anxiety must we feel when we make decisions that impact others and our jobs?
Then there's technology. The constant need to be connected. Young people are always comparing themselves-- their looks, relationships, jobs, material possessions, vacations, and on and on-- with their social media "friends" who have spent more time using filters and editing photos than they have doing their homework. Feeling the need to "keep up" or fearing that they've "missed out" on a party, celebrity gossip, or even a text makes them feel anxious.
We know that there are TONS of other factors that contribute to our anxiety. Some of us were anxious children, and no one taught us coping strategies. So we were left to make them up on our own.
Embarrassing personal example-- In times of high stress, I talk to myself, almost ritualistically. I will shut my eyes and repeat the same word or phrase again and again until I feel my stress level go down. A little Dustin Hoffman-esque in "Rain Man", I know.
A less embarrassing personal example-- I talk quickly. Nowadays, it's a habit for me. It's my speech pattern, but it was born out of an anxious insecurity that what I had to say was neither interesting nor important. But maybe, just maybe, if I speak quickly, people could stand to listen to me.
My husband and I are raising three kids, ranging in age from 7 to 11, a mix of genders, a mix of personalities. The responsibility is both humbling and daunting. It's important to me to keep reflecting on and assessing my own social and emotional health, as well as my kids'.
How can we know if our kids are feeling anxious? It presents itself differently with everyone. For some kids, it can look a lot like ADHD. Impulsive. Avoiding work. An inability to focus. Constantly on the move because they don't know how to quiet the signals their body is sending them. Others appear withdrawn and shut down.
Please don't misunderstand me-- stress can be a good thing. It can be motivating and teach us powerful lessons (like "Don't procrastinate!"). I am not suggesting that we should rescue our kids and be sure that they never experience an uncomfortable moment. But we need to be aware and teach them how to handle those moments.
I will be teaching my students how to pay attention to the cues that their bodies are sending them. To notice shallow breathing, a clenched jaw, a heightened pulse --- and how to take control of those feelings and manage them.
I'm teaching my kids the pros and cons of technology. I've recently allowed my oldest child to have an Instagram account. I don't believe in banning social media but monitoring-- not only who she's friends with but how she's feeling. She wasn't invited to a party that some of her closest friends attended. How did she find out? Instagram. Were her feelings hurt? Yep. And we talked through it. It was her first little taste of how social media can be hurtful.
I allow my kids to make choices for themselves-- what they pack for lunch, what they wear to school, etc. My middle child will perseverate on a choice for days. He needs to know that I think he's made a good decision. He often wants me to make choices for him. That's not good. I need him to learn how to make decisions. A lot of what he and I work through is going down the rabbit hole of "What if-" "So what if what you're worried about actually happens? What does that mean to you?" "So you'll get a bad grade. Ok. What are your options for redoing that paper? You can't redo it. Ok. So your average on your report card is brought down. OK. Do your grades define you?" And on and on we'll go. He always realizes that he has worked things up in his head, and his fear of being wrong has paralyzed him.
Our responsibility as educators and/or parents is to equip the next generation for adulthood. Academically? Absolutely! But I would argue that social/emotional health is just as important! What our kids believe about themselves and their ability. What they believe we think about them. How they manage emotions, like anger, stress, overwhelming sadness.
When we work on raising emotionally healthy kids, research shows that success (both academic and otherwise) will follow. We don't need to smooth every path for them-- that's not helpful as it doesn't prepare them for real life. But we need to come alongside them as they struggle, help them process what they're feeling, and see them through to the other side. And we need to model emotional health by making ours a priority as well.
It's a journey that is long and can be exhausting, but it's one worth taking.
I thought today I'd write about one small part of emotional health... dealing with anxiety.
I've read and researched a lot about anxiety in the last couple of months for a few different reasons:
1- I struggle with handling it appropriately,
2- I recently watched a friend miss a lot of work from illnesses triggered by stress,
and
3- This topic of anxiety kept popping up-- in my newsfeed, in my work inbox, at church.
I don't believe in coincidences so I started to really tune in.
According to an article on themindunleashed.com--
Marjorie Wallace, CEO of the charity Sane, believes that generation Y (those born in the 1980s and 1990s) is the age of desperation. “Growing up has always been difficult, but this sense of desperation? That’s new,” she says.
Now I'm not quite generation Y, but I'll lump myself in there because I only missed it by a couple of months. ;) Those born in the 80s and 90s-- we are the ones who have young children now. Elementary aged or younger. The ones born in the mid 90s are graduating from college, heading into classrooms, and teaching our kids. The article would argue that we are the most stressed out generation yet. What does that mean for our kids? We'll talk about that later.
But why are we stressing out?
The article continues by stating that the rise in anxiety is exacerbated by seemingly good things like "choice" and "technology".
We have many, many decisions to make daily-- from the mundane to the important. Choice is everywhere. Do you want to go back to school? What do you want to study? Online or not? How many classes do you want to take? Which days of the week? How will you take care of your family while you're in school? Do you need a nanny? Where would you find one?
Want a new washer/dryer?-- You can research laundry room appliances until you've succumbed to information overload, shut down, and become frustrated by how such a simple task left you unable to commit or make a decision. There is an underlying anxiety attached to the possibility of making the "wrong" decision. And if we struggle to make appliance decisions, then how are we functioning at work? How much more anxiety must we feel when we make decisions that impact others and our jobs?
Then there's technology. The constant need to be connected. Young people are always comparing themselves-- their looks, relationships, jobs, material possessions, vacations, and on and on-- with their social media "friends" who have spent more time using filters and editing photos than they have doing their homework. Feeling the need to "keep up" or fearing that they've "missed out" on a party, celebrity gossip, or even a text makes them feel anxious.
We know that there are TONS of other factors that contribute to our anxiety. Some of us were anxious children, and no one taught us coping strategies. So we were left to make them up on our own.
Embarrassing personal example-- In times of high stress, I talk to myself, almost ritualistically. I will shut my eyes and repeat the same word or phrase again and again until I feel my stress level go down. A little Dustin Hoffman-esque in "Rain Man", I know.
A less embarrassing personal example-- I talk quickly. Nowadays, it's a habit for me. It's my speech pattern, but it was born out of an anxious insecurity that what I had to say was neither interesting nor important. But maybe, just maybe, if I speak quickly, people could stand to listen to me.
My husband and I are raising three kids, ranging in age from 7 to 11, a mix of genders, a mix of personalities. The responsibility is both humbling and daunting. It's important to me to keep reflecting on and assessing my own social and emotional health, as well as my kids'.
How can we know if our kids are feeling anxious? It presents itself differently with everyone. For some kids, it can look a lot like ADHD. Impulsive. Avoiding work. An inability to focus. Constantly on the move because they don't know how to quiet the signals their body is sending them. Others appear withdrawn and shut down.
Please don't misunderstand me-- stress can be a good thing. It can be motivating and teach us powerful lessons (like "Don't procrastinate!"). I am not suggesting that we should rescue our kids and be sure that they never experience an uncomfortable moment. But we need to be aware and teach them how to handle those moments.
I will be teaching my students how to pay attention to the cues that their bodies are sending them. To notice shallow breathing, a clenched jaw, a heightened pulse --- and how to take control of those feelings and manage them.
I'm teaching my kids the pros and cons of technology. I've recently allowed my oldest child to have an Instagram account. I don't believe in banning social media but monitoring-- not only who she's friends with but how she's feeling. She wasn't invited to a party that some of her closest friends attended. How did she find out? Instagram. Were her feelings hurt? Yep. And we talked through it. It was her first little taste of how social media can be hurtful.
I allow my kids to make choices for themselves-- what they pack for lunch, what they wear to school, etc. My middle child will perseverate on a choice for days. He needs to know that I think he's made a good decision. He often wants me to make choices for him. That's not good. I need him to learn how to make decisions. A lot of what he and I work through is going down the rabbit hole of "What if-" "So what if what you're worried about actually happens? What does that mean to you?" "So you'll get a bad grade. Ok. What are your options for redoing that paper? You can't redo it. Ok. So your average on your report card is brought down. OK. Do your grades define you?" And on and on we'll go. He always realizes that he has worked things up in his head, and his fear of being wrong has paralyzed him.
Our responsibility as educators and/or parents is to equip the next generation for adulthood. Academically? Absolutely! But I would argue that social/emotional health is just as important! What our kids believe about themselves and their ability. What they believe we think about them. How they manage emotions, like anger, stress, overwhelming sadness.
When we work on raising emotionally healthy kids, research shows that success (both academic and otherwise) will follow. We don't need to smooth every path for them-- that's not helpful as it doesn't prepare them for real life. But we need to come alongside them as they struggle, help them process what they're feeling, and see them through to the other side. And we need to model emotional health by making ours a priority as well.
It's a journey that is long and can be exhausting, but it's one worth taking.
Friday, December 2, 2016
Neural Connections
I was recently talking to a dyslexia specialist who corrected me and said that she's technically a "therapist" because she rewires the brain.
We laughed at how fancy she sounded.
But that brief conversation reminded me of this video. (Although-- to be clear-- I am in no way supporting or endorsing the company or website affiliated with it. I know nothing about them.)
Our brain is constantly being wired and rewired. That is neuroplasticity. Anytime our kids make an academic connection or finally have an understanding of a concept, their brains have been rewired. Oprah calls them "light bulb moments".
Thoughts about ourselves wire our brains to believe certain things and react in certain ways. If those thoughts are negative, it's our job as teachers, counselors, and parents to change the message our kids are sending themselves. In essence, we are charged with rewiring the brain.
It takes time. It is by no means immediate. But the encouraging thing is that it is possible. Biologically and physiologically within the realm of reason that we can teach kids to think differently about themselves... their potential... their future.
Uh... HOW EXCITING IS THAT????!!!!
It can be done! We CAN change the future. We CAN impact lives.
Unfortunately, kids' brains don't send us an update that they are in the process of being rewired. Or that they are slowly disconnecting bad thoughts and connecting good ones.
So we may never see the difference we've made.
But we really are changing kids' brains-- for better or worse--- all the time.
I guess that means we're all "therapists".
Hmmm... I need a raise. :)
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