"I Have Integrity"

Integrity,  It is one of our core values at Christie.

I've been thinking a lot about integrity lately.

Webster defines it as "the quality of being honest and having strong moral principles."

Honesty.

Being truthful takes courage.  Speaking truth with love and pure intent requires restraint.

I've been really tuned in this year to those who spin the truth.  Lies ranging from slight variations (additions and/or omissions that benefit the storyteller) to blatant lies (not even remotely based in fact).

I've also been tuned in to those who speak truth without restraint. Careless words are damaging to culture and relationships.

I had a conversation with a friend recently about the best way to handle a situation.  I wanted to be sure I preserved my credibility as certain facts came to light.  I never want to be seen as dishonest or someone who can't be trusted.  As we talked through our options, we came back to this-- let's let our narrative simply be the truth.  And we were both relieved.

Truth doesn't require us to remember a story.  Truth doesn't require practice.

We have to model integrity for our kids.  We need to be adults who choose honesty with a filter that restrains our biting tongues.

Because---

Being truthful takes courage.  Speaking truth with love and pure intent requires restraint.

Redeeming a story

Happy Easter!

Today I was at church with my family and our preacher did something he doesn't often do.  He asked anyone who wanted to accept Christ to come to the altar to pray.  An unusual move for my non-denominational church.  Being raised Baptist, an altar call is nothing new. But today was super special to me.

I watched as about 20 people went to the altar to pray to ask Christ to save them. Given the size of the crowd, that's not many.  And yet I couldn't hold back my tears.

Adults and a couple of children.  Women and some men.  All races. Seemingly all backgrounds.  Kneeling at the altar.

And my heart rejoiced.  Because I was able to visibly see people's pasts, their stories, being redeemed.

We all have a history.  We all have a story.  Why we are who we are.  Why we have the struggles we have. Why we're confident in some areas.  Our beliefs.  Our value system.

And not a single part of who we are or where we come from is immune to being used for good.

That invigorates this counselor's heart!

I wish I could say I pray for all of my students by name.  I've intended to, but I haven't.  However there are certain kids that I pray for diligently.  My prayer is simply, "Redeem their stories."

Today I was reminded that those prayers don't go unheard.

Where we start in life is not where we end.  Life is a journey.  And I pray it is one full of grace and redemption.

Keeping "to-do" lists in perspective

In 2007, my husband received a once-in-a-lifetime bonus at work.  At the time we were living in our starter home with 2 small kids.  I was a stay-home mom.  Our savings were small, as we had only been married for a year when I had our first child and quit my job.  However, we were thinking ahead.  We had a financial planner, a retirement fund, a college fund.  We were diversified in the risks we were willing to take with the stock market.  Then this large sum of money came our way.  We didn't know what to do.

We knew we wanted to move to a home that would have higher resale value than our current home.  We wanted to live closer to our  church and Jason's work because the commutes to both were killing us.  (At the time I was at church almost 5 days a week for Bible study, Mother's Day Out, etc.)  But we didn't know when to make the move.

Thankfully, our financial planner has been a family friend of mine since I was 7 years old.  He's an amazingly wise and Godly man.  We tithed what we owed on the money.  We paid off debt. And then we asked, "Do we invest this money in a new home or in our stock portfolio?"  Bruce Robinson, our planner, said, "You don't make memories gathered around your portfolio.  Get the house that you want to raise your family in."

I'll never forget that advice.  He reminded us that saving and planning is important and necessary but experiences are what memories are made of.

I find myself following that same thought process at my job.

A strong work ethic is necessary.  To-do lists can't stay undone.  Phone calls must be returned.  Emails need to be sent.  Meetings have to be organized.  And all of this in a timely fashion.

I know a lot of people who define their day's success by their to-do lists being completed.  Some even like to name all they have accomplished in a minute-by-minute recap. They leave the job believing that they had a hard day's work...and maybe they did.  But my question to myself when I find myself falling into the trap of solely focusing on tasks is "Did I have an IMPACTFUL day's work?"

Much like memories aren't made by gathering around my stock portfolio, change and impact isn't created by checking off to-do lists.

Memories of "she loved me" and "I mattered to someone" come from pushing away from the computer and working a puzzle with a kid who needs a little extra one-on-one time.  "I felt heard" comes from having a conversation while you're playing Jenga with someone.

And-- yes-- there are times I feel my heart rate quicken as my mind wanders to the things I need to be doing instead of coloring a picture with a student, but I know that-- in that moment-- I'm where I need to be.

At the end of the day-- the end of the year-- the end of my career--- the end of my life, I want to be remembered by the people around me.  And not just for being productive.  Or organized.  Or good at crossing off checklists.  I want to be remembered for experiencing moments with people that made them happier.  I want to really live life and choose people over anything else.

Work ethic is important and necessary.  Experiences with people are where lasting impacts are made.

"I Get By With a Little Help from My Friends"

Love that song.  (I'm sure it has an actual name, but I've always called it "The Wonder Years" theme.)  And the lyrics certainly reflect this past week.

I will be heading back to work Monday after being home for a full week recovering from back surgery.  It's not easy for me to ask for help or depend on others.  I'm usually the one shouldering others' burdens, and I prefer it that way.  It's humbling to not be able to even put on socks without help.

Luckily, my friends came to the rescue!

I've not had to cook dinner once this week because they have brought me food.  I've been surprised with lunch and flowers. I've been inundated with texts and phone calls, checking to make sure I'm ok.  It's been a wonderful week of blessings for me.

I'm excited to get back in the swing of things, and -- because of my family and friends-- I will be refreshed when I get back to the office.

National School Counseling Week

This week is National School Counseling Week.  I have enjoyed being appreciated by my school!!

But I've also been a little bit sad.

This week has been filled with a kid whose dad is in jail for molestation, a child who is raising herself while her mom works, a student unmotivated to work, and a couple of 7 and 8 yr olds threatening suicide. Add in a few teachers who want to quit or are at their breaking points.  Sprinkle in some students who are struggling academically even WITHOUT family struggles to complicate matters.

 And that's just this week.

But-- in the past week, a student who wouldn't open up to anyone else shared some private things with me.  Another student told me his (albeit short) life story filled with pain.  I had a teacher volunteer to eat with a student who desperately misses her mom in hopes of being that support for her. Second graders had specific examples of ways they felt love through me.  They wrote them down.

"Thanks for talking helping when my parents divorst."

"My mom died and you loved me."

"I was crying. You said it's ok."

"You are nice."

"I erased all of the people I don't know on social media to stay safe."

"You give good hugs."

"You smell good when I hug you."

"You teach me to love me."

I was telling my husband, Jason, that sometimes I'm worn out from the hard things.  The kids who are struggling academically.  The kids at the end of their ropes emotionally.  The teachers who question their decision to tackle a difficult job in a difficult school.  I told him that I never get the good.

He reminded me that the kid who talks to me and no one else-- that's the good.  The kid who appreciates my hugs--- that's the good.  You felt safe to share your horror with me?? Win.

My "good" may not look like someone else's "good".

It's my bittersweet.  I have to work through the bitter to appreciate the sweet.

I may never have the student who was inspired by me to write the essay that got them into some accredited program.

But I've had the kid who told me that the safest he ever felt was at Christie.  The student who thanked me for loving her.

I'll never be able to show you the percentage of graduates based on my instruction or how my work impacts state testing.  But I go to bed knowing that I loved and loved deeply.

And when I get to a week set aside to appreciate school counselors, I am humbled. Because those sweet kids who give me purpose have turned around and poured back into me.

It's our relationship. I give to them.  And they give to me.

I have the best job ever.

Too good not to share and spot on! The Millennial Generation

Anxiety - Social/Emotional Health

At Christie we are looking at expanding our focus on children beyond their academics to their social and emotional health.  That can sometimes sound like a lot of psycho-babble.  Social health?  Emotional health? Why does that matter?

I thought today I'd write about one small part of emotional health... dealing with anxiety.

I've read and researched a lot about anxiety in the last couple of months for a few different reasons:

1- I struggle with handling it appropriately,
2- I recently watched a friend miss a lot of work from illnesses triggered by stress,
and
3- This topic of anxiety kept popping up-- in my newsfeed, in my work inbox, at church.

I don't believe in coincidences so I started to really tune in.

According to an article on themindunleashed.com--

Marjorie Wallace, CEO of the charity Sane, believes that generation Y (those born in the 1980s and 1990s) is the age of desperation. “Growing up has always been difficult, but this sense of desperation? That’s new,” she says.

Now I'm not quite generation Y, but I'll lump myself in there because I only missed it by a couple of months.  ;) Those born in the 80s and 90s-- we are the ones who have young children now.  Elementary aged or younger. The ones born in the mid 90s are graduating from college, heading into classrooms, and teaching our kids.  The article would argue that we are the most stressed out generation yet.  What does that mean for our kids?  We'll talk about that later.

But why are we stressing out?

The article continues by stating that the rise in anxiety is exacerbated by seemingly good things like "choice" and "technology".

We have many, many decisions to make daily-- from the mundane to the important.  Choice is everywhere.  Do you want to go back to school?  What do you want to study? Online or not?  How many classes do you want to take?  Which days of the week? How will you take care of your family while you're in school?  Do you need a nanny? Where would you find one?

Want a new washer/dryer?-- You can research laundry room appliances until you've succumbed to information overload, shut down, and become frustrated by how such a simple task left you unable to commit or make a decision.  There is an underlying anxiety attached to the possibility of making the "wrong" decision.  And if we struggle to make appliance decisions, then how are we functioning at work?  How much more anxiety must we feel when we make decisions that impact others and our jobs?

Then there's technology.  The constant need to be connected.  Young people are always comparing themselves-- their looks, relationships, jobs, material possessions, vacations, and on and on-- with their social media "friends" who have spent more time using filters and editing photos than they have doing their homework.  Feeling the need to "keep up" or fearing that they've "missed out" on a party, celebrity gossip, or even a text makes them feel anxious.

We know that there are TONS of other factors that contribute to our anxiety.  Some of us were anxious children, and no one taught us coping strategies.  So we were left to make them up on our own.

Embarrassing personal example-- In times of high stress, I talk to myself, almost ritualistically.  I will shut my eyes and repeat the same word or phrase again and again until I feel my stress level go down. A little Dustin Hoffman-esque in "Rain Man", I know.

A less embarrassing personal example-- I talk quickly.  Nowadays, it's a habit for me. It's my speech pattern, but it was born out of an anxious insecurity that what I had to say was neither interesting nor important.  But maybe, just maybe, if I speak quickly, people could stand to listen to me.

My husband and I are raising three kids, ranging in age from 7 to 11, a mix of genders, a mix of personalities. The responsibility is both humbling and daunting. It's important to me to keep reflecting on and assessing my own social and emotional health, as well as my kids'.

How can we know if our kids are feeling anxious?  It presents itself differently with everyone.  For some kids, it can look a lot like ADHD.  Impulsive.  Avoiding work. An inability to focus.  Constantly on the move because they don't know how to quiet the signals their body is sending them.  Others appear withdrawn and shut down.

Please don't misunderstand me-- stress can be a good thing.  It can be motivating and teach us powerful lessons (like "Don't procrastinate!").  I am not suggesting that we should rescue our kids and be sure that they never experience an uncomfortable moment.  But we need to be aware and teach them how to handle those moments.

I will be teaching my students how to pay attention to the cues that their bodies are sending them.  To notice shallow breathing, a clenched jaw, a heightened pulse --- and how to take control of those feelings and manage them.

I'm teaching my kids the pros and cons of technology.  I've recently allowed my oldest child to have an Instagram account.  I don't believe in banning social media but monitoring-- not only who she's friends with but how she's feeling.  She wasn't invited to a party that some of her closest friends attended.  How did she find out?  Instagram.  Were her feelings hurt? Yep.  And we talked through it.  It was her first little taste of how social media can be hurtful.

I allow my kids to make choices for themselves-- what they pack for lunch, what they wear to school, etc. My middle child will perseverate on a choice for days.  He needs to know that I think he's made a good decision. He often wants me to make choices for him. That's not good. I need him to learn how to make decisions.  A lot of what he and I work through is going down the rabbit hole of "What if-"  "So what if what you're worried about actually happens? What does that mean to you?" "So you'll get a bad grade.  Ok.  What are your options for redoing that paper?  You can't redo it. Ok.  So your average on your report card is brought down. OK.  Do your grades define you?" And on and on we'll go. He always realizes that he has worked things up in his head, and his fear of being wrong has paralyzed him.

Our responsibility as educators and/or parents is to equip the next generation for adulthood. Academically? Absolutely!  But I would argue that social/emotional health is just as important! What our kids believe about themselves and their ability.  What they believe we think about them.  How they manage emotions, like anger, stress, overwhelming sadness.

When we work on raising emotionally healthy kids, research shows that success (both academic and otherwise) will follow. We don't need to smooth every path for them-- that's not helpful as it doesn't prepare them for real life.  But we need to come alongside them as they struggle, help them process what they're feeling, and see them through to the other side.   And we need to model emotional health by making ours a priority as well.

It's a journey that is long and can be exhausting, but it's one worth taking.